my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
