I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
