I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
whose parrot is this?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
