Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
