When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want nice things and good sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
