Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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