you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
