Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
