i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
