Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
