i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All the doctor said was why
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize