This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
