i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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