I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
