my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
