i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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