Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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