Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
