I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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