Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
