I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize