He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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