I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't make out with my wife yet
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
