I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
