I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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