the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I faked an abortion last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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