he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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