There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
