Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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