If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
