Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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