jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
