my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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