You work out of a Hotel?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
