did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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