Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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