The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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