i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
