dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
