I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Holy shit dude........stairs
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