This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
