I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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