My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
