I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
