Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
