and you said cock pushups were impossible
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
