There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
