$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
