i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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