My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
tell me about the fingering
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
