Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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