sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
