I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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