I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
