sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the condom got lost in my hair
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize