How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
