Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
