Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
