stop calling my apartment porn island.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
