Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
