I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
